God Sends Gifts

I must say that of late I have not been in a very good stead. Maybe the subconscious subtle pollution of my mind has come to a degree that I’ve wavering in my stance. The influx of more negative than positive influence has shifted my stand and thus everything was beginning to fall apart. Right till today.


At 3 am I was still awake because of embarrassing reasons that will be listed below. And I got an sms reply to a message I sent much earlier asking if she’d forgotten me now that the A levels were finally over (as a means of starting conversation of course).

-
Well i haven’t
forgotten you :)
Haiz i just woke up
from a bad dream
-
How bad was it?
Wow. For some
stupid reason i’m
awake. Or I’ve
caused Mom to be
awake. I spilled
milk on her laundry.
-
(She was surprised I was still awake in her reply to this and asked if I’m still in camp- if I remember correctly. Our annual meeting was long overdue so I seized the moment as weird as the 3 am timing was.)
-
I’m clearing leave
till wednesday.
Wanna meet up?
Haha. What did you
dream about?
Today i had a very
powerful dream.
On a plane that
was just about to
crash.
-
How about we
meet up later? Oh
man .. I can’t
exactly remember .
I only remembered
yesterday’s bad
one too .It’s about
my friends and my
horrible results
Haha
-


So I met her at the airport this afternoon.
It had been a long time since…
Since I could speak to someone like that.
Didn’t realise that in trying so hard to help others
I needed people to help me too.
To talk me and walk me through my own struggles
And keep me on track.


Today
As we sat face to face
Side by side
I met God again
Through her.


It’s been a long time.


No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
–1 Corinthians 10:13


The spilt milk
The bad dreams
Of planes and results crashing
The many times we tried
But failed to meet up
Sure seemed like an omen
But it turned out
Today
Was God’s perfect time
To send me his gift


Thank you for being his gift to me.
For this little boy, you just saved the world.

The Prism

Right from the start you knew we were different.
And I never expected you to understand me in this way.
I never realised you feel the way I do.
Never knew you could.
But now I see,
Only in the presence of a Trinity,
Would a Rainbow… appear White too.

The Power of Prayer

12-11-2007
My sms conversation with a friend in the midst of her A level exams (mine’s in black):

-
I see… Coming to
the last few days…
Are you struggling
to stay afloat or
taking it quite ok?
-
I just wanna do my
best and not
regret :)
-
Anything which
you need me to
pray for?
-
Wow. I thought
That’s my line. I
mean the second
one. Pray that your
first line will be
mine. I want to do
my best in the final
week & a half with
this group.
-


14-11-2007
I smsed again.

-
Either you prayed
very strongly or
your prayer was
very strong…
Because it came to
pass today. You go
girl!
-

I had a camp from the 13th to the 14th.
I had a chance to be there for one of my bunk mates
When all others turned against him
When the night was most cold and dark
God let me be
A light

The power of a praying woman.

-
Why why? Did God
only answer my
prayers for you
and not for today's
paper ? Argh i think
i'm screwed for
Econs
-

oops
The danger of a forgetful man.


Down to my last week in this course. Pray I use it well.

True Love

One more entry from my historical journals concerning my hole in the wall. Written in 2005, when I was still in Junior College.


I love you. 3 words I really want to hear. 3 words that can lift up someone discouraged. 3 words that can put a smile on someone's face. Yet if someone says it to you, you're hardly going to believe it... Because love... Is more than words. Not something I want to hear... But something I want to feel.


(Wednesday, 13/7)
Last night I read the lyrics to the song "Angel in Disguise" by Corrinne May. In the day I just heard her song “Fly Away”, an emotional piece that can really make you cry. Interesting how she changes your perspective towards something so nicely in the songs. Anyway, I was inspired by her song lyrics and wanted to be the angel in disguise again, so I picked up the phone & decided to sms Emily. I encouraged her with some kind words and ended with 'I love you'. After all that had happened, I was quite confident she knew what I meant. Yet I had to contemplate for a moment before sending it out. Was this going to cause more harm than good? Was this going to affect our friendship? In the end, I sent it out and well... Felt terrible the rest of the night.


Such a word requires a response... Yet I got none. Not knowing what was her response really, really caused terror in me. It's like waiting for the results of the finals in the band competition you took part in. The MC has the results in his hands and is just about to read it... All your hopes, dreams and efforts were put into this competition. He opens his month and you swallow hard- The anxiety can kill! Imagine having that state of mind, the whole night! I decided then that it was not worth it.


We were lining up for assembly today and I looked around, hoping to find her. I saw her arriving at the back of the line that I stood in front of. She was saying hi to everyone and I turned to look at her, hoping to get her attention and, in doing so, her response. Our eyes met. Though many stood between her and I in the assembly plaza, our eyes met. Felt like the sea of people had just parted for us. I waited half a second for her response, but to me, time had already slowed to a crawl. Then... Knowing what it was I wanted, she smiled.


I have never seen a smile like that before. It was just... full of sincerity and it conveyed joy. Coupled by the effect of the whole night's anxiety that built up to this moment suddenly fading to nothing, I experienced pure joy... Even greater than when we won the football finals. Looking back, That was the nicest way anyone could say yes. A true smile. Yes... Another glimpse of heaven, through the words 'I love you'!


(23/7 Sat)
I went for the Presbyterian flag day today in hoping to see my hole in the wall. But yesterday I found out she could not go. Sad lah... She's someone who is so close to the Lord. Knowing myself that such closeness does not last long, for Satan will stop us, I thought she would break sooner or later. But she never did, even when she had to undergo a separation with her boyfriend, she was still ever strong in her faith. Ah... She taught me how to love by loving me. So now you know that when I said 'I love you' to Emily earlier, I was but passing on what I was given by my hole in the wall.

Bamboo

Just back from 3 weeks in Taiwan.
Reminded to keep this blog alive.
Which is not such a bad idea.


There are lots of bamboo plants in Taiwan.
Unlike other types of plants,
With branches that break easily when I push through,
The bamboo won't.


It just bends and bends under pressure and force
Far beyond the breaking point of all other plants.


And eventually,
The thin little bamboo plant
Stops me from passing
And I need to go around it instead.


Oh how I want to be like the bamboo plant
Defying the huge forces pushing against me
Bending me backwards
Forcing me to conform


Because if the mould that is placed around me
Does not break me


I break the mould.