True Love

One more entry from my historical journals concerning my hole in the wall. Written in 2005, when I was still in Junior College.


I love you. 3 words I really want to hear. 3 words that can lift up someone discouraged. 3 words that can put a smile on someone's face. Yet if someone says it to you, you're hardly going to believe it... Because love... Is more than words. Not something I want to hear... But something I want to feel.


(Wednesday, 13/7)
Last night I read the lyrics to the song "Angel in Disguise" by Corrinne May. In the day I just heard her song “Fly Away”, an emotional piece that can really make you cry. Interesting how she changes your perspective towards something so nicely in the songs. Anyway, I was inspired by her song lyrics and wanted to be the angel in disguise again, so I picked up the phone & decided to sms Emily. I encouraged her with some kind words and ended with 'I love you'. After all that had happened, I was quite confident she knew what I meant. Yet I had to contemplate for a moment before sending it out. Was this going to cause more harm than good? Was this going to affect our friendship? In the end, I sent it out and well... Felt terrible the rest of the night.


Such a word requires a response... Yet I got none. Not knowing what was her response really, really caused terror in me. It's like waiting for the results of the finals in the band competition you took part in. The MC has the results in his hands and is just about to read it... All your hopes, dreams and efforts were put into this competition. He opens his month and you swallow hard- The anxiety can kill! Imagine having that state of mind, the whole night! I decided then that it was not worth it.


We were lining up for assembly today and I looked around, hoping to find her. I saw her arriving at the back of the line that I stood in front of. She was saying hi to everyone and I turned to look at her, hoping to get her attention and, in doing so, her response. Our eyes met. Though many stood between her and I in the assembly plaza, our eyes met. Felt like the sea of people had just parted for us. I waited half a second for her response, but to me, time had already slowed to a crawl. Then... Knowing what it was I wanted, she smiled.


I have never seen a smile like that before. It was just... full of sincerity and it conveyed joy. Coupled by the effect of the whole night's anxiety that built up to this moment suddenly fading to nothing, I experienced pure joy... Even greater than when we won the football finals. Looking back, That was the nicest way anyone could say yes. A true smile. Yes... Another glimpse of heaven, through the words 'I love you'!


(23/7 Sat)
I went for the Presbyterian flag day today in hoping to see my hole in the wall. But yesterday I found out she could not go. Sad lah... She's someone who is so close to the Lord. Knowing myself that such closeness does not last long, for Satan will stop us, I thought she would break sooner or later. But she never did, even when she had to undergo a separation with her boyfriend, she was still ever strong in her faith. Ah... She taught me how to love by loving me. So now you know that when I said 'I love you' to Emily earlier, I was but passing on what I was given by my hole in the wall.