Grey Knight

This is a picture of a Grey Knight in Terminator Suit, courtesy of http://www.games-workshop.com/


“The elite warriors of the legendary Grey Knights Chapter are a fearsome force on the battlefield, trained to fight seemingly insurmountable odds and triumph.”


I love the Grey Knights, and the model of them is also the most awesome model I’ve seen in Games Workshop’s line of products.


Grey is melancholic, and it does show how imperfect I am, full of weaknesses and failings. I like grey.


But a Grey is not White.


When I started out I wanted to save the world, but now I realise that each time I step into a situation, there’s always an additional problem- myself. I need to help both the person and myself to get out of the trying situation without doing more harm to either. So I have to save the world from myself too.


When I started out, White symbolised purity. I’ve seen a lot in army and I guess it’s getting to me subconsciously. You see negative stuff; you hear negative stuff; Day in and day out. I began to question my own goal of perfection in a pragmatic way. Like the fact that I’m controlling my tongue in camp, yet the only difference between me and the others around is that they voice out all the negative things in their mind, while I keep it in. I still feel as negative as they all do. I’m not as perfect as I want to be, and grey is more logical a colour to represent me than white.


But grey is a compromise.


So my dear God, can I just look upon the fact that I’m human and full of weakness and impurity and accept grey as my new colour?


Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels.
-Revelations 3:4-5


Your will be done.


The 9-week Basic Section Leader Course is over. I’m suffering the swing of the pendulum during the break after because once again, there are just no needs to depend on God for and so I feel terribly empty without Him. The Advanced Section Leader Course is tougher, harder, and will expose me to harsher conditions. But at least I can depend on Him, and He can be depended on. I’m actually looking forward to it this time. So once again, pray for me as I enter another tougher 10 weeks.


Let’s go save the world from myself.