True Anticipation

After what happened 2 nights ago I’m reminded of how my hole in the wall played such a huge role in almost all my major accounts that took place in the year 2005. But because I only started blogging at the end of that year, little has been stated about this most interesting character here. In due time I shall put those memories into words, for some of those stories deserve to be remembered. For now, this is a part of my journal, dated 10th September 2005. The writing style is different from the way I write now; I intentionally left it unchanged so this is almost exactly what I wrote back then.


(10/9 Saturday)

I really thought that nothing could get me on track again. I was rather behind in my work and maybe even slacking. But well... God sent help.


Last night we had Bible study in Church. The chairman of the youth committee had sent out an e-mail previously about some Presbytery youth leader's forum. It's basically for the youth leaders from different Presbyterian churches to come together and work as a Church on problems facing our youth. I found that out only later because I did not really bother to read the e-mail. It was the second last day of the school holidays and I was very behind in my work. I told the chairman I was not going. Later on I found out all of us were not going.


I actually hoped at least one of us could represent our church, because I really believe in working with other churches to help our youth. If I become chairman that would be the focus of my time as head. Only our guitarist could go. But he did not want to go alone. Argh! So our chairman told our teacher we were not sending anyone.


On the way home I got an sms. And man was I screaming and convulsing in the car. Mom shouted at me not to. I was just caught in such a dilemma. My sister asked me who it was and when I told her she said, "somehow I knew". My hole in the wall was going for the youth forum and asked me if I was! Mom immediately said she did not want me to go. Argh!


I just leaned the car seat back and felt super stressed. What was I to do? It took some time before I calmed down. I then analyzed the situation and managed to sort everything out. I would sleep early now, finish biology in the morning, go in the afternoon, and come home at night to do chemistry. Math complete on Sunday with help from a friend. It can be done, I thought, especially with such an incentive.


I have been mentored by my hole in the wall unofficially for almost a year, almost without ever seeing her in person. She taught me everything I now know about worship leading... By example; Leading a worshipful life, she was really what I aspired to become. At the previous 2 Presbyterian events, one of us was always unable to go. And once when she was waiting outside my school for a bus, I received her message too late. So this was finally my chance to see her. And I was not going to pass on it.


I gave my mom my proposal and got a hesitant yes- but a yes nonetheless. We just learned about honoring our parents and I was not going to do something if she says no. I then called the youth chairman, replied my hole in the wall and went on MSN to contact the guitarist. He could not come even then, but that was ok. My hole in the wall was online.


When I finally got to her online, she had just received my sms. I told her I originally did not want to go until she asked me to, and also that we're finally getting to meet after almost a year. And she answered in the sweetest way anyone ever has. She said she would come and meet me around my home so we can go together. I mean... No one ever has! Haha... Ok… She lives not too far from here, and the train from my house is a fast way to the city. But even then, I really appreciated that... So we arranged to meet at 11 at the train station. And I asked her to bring a camera. Well... I slept rather late... Not good... I feared I would not have the discipline to wake. I set the alarm to 9.30am and slept at 1am. For the past few nights I only woke after 9 hours of sleep.


I woke automatically around 8am. How cool is that? Haha... The excitement must have helped, but I was not rested enough yet. I slept till about 9 before getting out of bed. First up at home, I was filled with energy and well... Finished my Biology essay! That was really cool. Then I got ready. At 10:10 I smsed her and reminded her to bring her camera. She just woke up. Haha, when I had left the conversation last night, she still remained online. A while later, she sent an sms saying no bus yet. I knew she would not be there by 11. So I decided to take my time and try to catch the bus she was on. The moment she said she was on the highway I knew it was time. Left the house with such anticipation...


I kept looking down the road as I walked to the bus stop, imagining the bus coming round the corner just down the road. It seemed like the nicest day though the sun was making me start to sweat. I reached the bus stop and tried to sit down... but could not. I was too hyped up! I started walking a distance from the bus stop, in hope of seeing the bus even before it came behind these blocks of flats that was blocking my view of what lied behind the corner. The anticipation was really killing! I received an sms from her, saying sorry and hoping l was not angry at her for being late. I was waiting for this bus so that I would not just tell her it's ok, but show her too. I would be as late as she was! I had just replied when I saw the bus coming round the corner.


I believed it was finally here and got to the bus stop again. Just before flagging the bus, I noticed the bus number. Argh. I really believed it was the bus... and I sat back down again. I think people were surprised; Most were looking at me for a moment before they boarded because from here, all the buses go the same way and end up at the bus and train station. The bus took off and I sat back down... And the waiting continued...


I thought it would make such a nice entry if I took these thoughts and emotions down. So l took out my phone and with the voice recorder function, recorded some of my feelings. Another bus came round the corner. From the old design I knew for sure this was the bus of the correct number. And I just knew this was definitely the bus I was waiting for; The bus she was on.


Stopping the recording, I flagged the bus down and boarded alone. The bus was almost empty. I walked down the rows, and there, sitting at the right corner of the last row, hidden behind several rows of higher seats, was my hole in the wall.


The moment she saw me, she looked away, almost laughing and then just shook her head with a smile.


And reading this entry from 2 years back, I can’t help smiling too.