GuardiÂngel

And on the stone written:

2009-10-20T01:07:00.003+08:00

GuardiAngel

17 March 2003 - 18 October 2009

Dress

2009-10-19T01:36:00.003+08:00

What is a dress?

A dress is just a dress?

No.

A dress seems to be the ultimate symbol of a woman.

It's also the most obvious gender stereotype of all.

The most simplistic figure of a woman is in a dress. (See toilet signs)

But a dress is just fabric.

The idea that a dress is for women is just a social construct.

It's merely an idea.

It's just another enforcement of gender stereotypes.

It makes us think that men and women are of different value.

It is the foundation for discrimination.

And it's things like this that make it impossible for gender equality.

I've been studying sociology quite hard.

I realise i've been feminist all my life.

And i really truly believe women and men should be seen as equal.

So down with gender stereotypes of a woman staying at home and a man going out to work. It doesn't always have to be this way so let's stop enforcing it. Down with all gender stereotypes for that matter! It must start with me.

I went through my sister's wardrobe, nearly suffocated trying on my mom's tight evening gown, and thus borrowed a yellow dress from Kimberly that i'll wear in school on Wednesday.

Because in a truly egalitarian society, when genders are no longer stereotyped and discriminated, men will wear dresses.

This is a True Account

2009-10-18T00:01:00.004+08:00

Today tens of people came to my church.

But they did not know what happened last night.

Tomorrow hundreds of people will go to my church.

But they will not know the price paid for them to be able to.

They do not know of the fire that threatened to burn the church down.

They will not know of the 7 who desperately fought the fire on Friday night.

It will seem like a normal Sunday, like nothing has or will ever happen.

We will take things for granted. It all seems so routine.

How great are the battles fought in secret for the survival of the church.

How huge the sacrifices heroes have made to keep the church intact.

We don't know it, we take it for granted.

Some of us in church might even wonder if God exist.

But just because we didn't know it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

We came this close to losing our church building this weekend.

Angst

2009-10-17T01:49:00.002+08:00

I am not emo.

I have never been emo.

I look emo, i let myself look emo, but it's just a cover.

I am angsty. I am frustrated. I am tired.

I just want to go home okay?

Tomorrow after church and work, i'm going somewhere i can really be alone.

I'm a loose cannon, and i don't want to talk to any of you when i'm angsty.

I don't want to say something i'll regret.

So i'm going into the dark.

Don't follow me.

Streams of consciousness don't have fullstops

2009-10-15T22:25:00.003+08:00

I got 9.5 out of 10 for my statistics assignment. I was sad.

I got 40/100 for my theatre assignment. I was overjoyed.

Walked past a crying caucasian girl in school like everyone else.

Then i stopped. And went back.

There's this show. Boy grows up with foster parents not knowing his destiny. One day he meets an old man who presents to him an awesome weapon to seek his destiny but he hesitates. He returns home to find his parents killed. He takes on the path he was born for. Tell me, why does Richard Cypher from Legend of the Seeker sound like Luke Skywalker?

Mom will be in church tomorrow. I'm selling advertising space on her arm cast at 10 dollars per square inch. But 3 get one free. Limited offers, contact early.

Crash and Burn

2009-10-12T23:45:00.005+08:00

I suddenly feel rebellious.

I feel like questioning authority.

I feel angst and angry.

Never really felt like this before...

You know what that means?!

Yeah!

I've finally hit the stage of growth known as adolescence!

Better late than never i guess. Anyway, i came home last night past midnight, and i didn't even tell my mommy what time i was getting home! Ha take that authority figure! I'm doing whatever i want from now!

But that was yesterday. Today, after pulling that stunt last night, i got an sms from dad that mom fell and he's taking her to the A&E. Ok now i feel guilty.

So coming home,

i washed the water bottles,

ironed the clothes,

flipped the socks that had just been washed

and helped my mom around.

And thus transited from adolescence to maturity in one day. Yay?

Don't worry about mom by the way. She's quite okay.

If anyone should worry about her it'll be my sister.

Family and Friends

2009-10-10T23:40:00.006+08:00

The day started with 2 very strange individuals sharing an umbrella in the rain downstairs. A guy and a girl, a pair of siblings, of the infamous clan of the Huis. This would be a day riddled with nonsensical nonsense and quotable quotes from the 2 and their parents.

Justin: My arm is getting wet. Maybe I should not leave it outside the umbrella.

A little later...

Marianne: I'm getting wet.

Justin: Then take out your umbrella.

-Intermission-

I woke up on wednesday feeling something moving on my right foot.

It was not human.

I realised Jon Ma had released his hamster from it's cage,

and it was now crawling up my leg towards my shorts...

-Intermission Over-

Doulos, the oldest sea-going passenger liner with the largest floating book-fair, was nice. We saw books of every kind to suit every need.

There was stuff Marianne liked...

There was stuff JueYing liked...

There was even stuff mom liked!

Yes.

Daddy found a book that stated the obvious.

The book he really needed was actually this one...

That would have saved them much agony. But it was too little too late. Everything was too little too late...

Oh Doulos where were you when we needed all these books!

-Intermission-

On Friday night I put my basic Nerf dart blaster in Valerie's hands and in her first shot she took a bottle off the church pews to my surprise (and to the horror of her husband Pastor Josh). Her next shot landed squarely on target, her husband, and from then on it was all downhill. All those years of pent up frustration came flying out of the toy gun in the form of 6 lethal foam darts.

She asked me how much i bought the blaster for. I fear for Pastor Josh. Now that i have empowered women, i wonder if i did the right thing. But oh what's 6 foam darts from my tiny launcher compared to all the oppression that women have had from men over history anyway.

Went to toys'r'us today. Horror of Horrors.

Mankind, oh what have i done!

-Intermission Over-

Saw this little girl at the gangway of the ship. She was sizing me up man!

So adorable! That's her momma by the way. On a christian ship like the Doulos with people from all over the world with a common heart for Jesus, you really don't see racial lines. And that... is cool.

Shopping at vivo was tiring.

We waited for an hour at the Singtel shop as mom chose her phone. Dad said she should stop asking questions and just buy. We said it's her birthday let her ask all she wants.

Dad: But... she's losing friends.

Chapter I

2009-10-09T23:28:00.002+08:00

Rade was a young man who lived in the village of Kapech. In a country plagued by conflicts and wars, a village like Kapech was a sanctuary, being hidden well within the forest and far away from the battle-plagued fields and bloodied city walls. The peaceful nature of the town was such a stark contrast to the outside lands that its residents could be easily mislead into thinking that the tales of war and danger were much further than they really were.

One might imagine that living in such a privileged position would cause its residents to have a sense of apathy towards matters concerning their country beyond their forest boarders, yet nothing could be further from the truth. Other than a few exceptions, the general population was rather prepared for warfare and was ready to defend their village- none more so than Rade.

Rade was a young man and a good fighter, by the standards of his village at least. He had a beautifully crafted suit of armor of blue and gold, made painstakingly by the hands of his parents who had spent most of their lives outside of Kapech. They knew the nature of the war-torn lands and thus created a suit of armor made for more than just the occasional skirmishes with an intruder or raiding party that entered their forest realm. None the less, in events of enemy intrusions (which were taken very seriously in Kapech) Rade rested not in the protection of his armor but fought bravely in defense of his village and had helped to keep it safe all this time.

Rade's basic fighting skills picked up over the years served him well in such a protected and safe environment where the enemies were few and far between. Yet in his heart Rade felt that he was a warrior meant for much bigger battles, as his armor was made for. For he knew that as long as he stayed in this sanctuary, far from harm and danger and the cares of the rest of the country, he would never become the warrior he wanted to be.

Stepping out of heaven into hell was not something anyone does on a whim of a fancy. Rade had been thinking about it for a long time, his heart burning within him to bring his blue blade into the battles that mattered, yet the kindling passion still needed a gentle nudge to act on. This finally came much later in the form of a cry for aid from a village just outside the forest. Rade donned his armor, strapped on his blade and for the first time in his life, stepped out of Kepech and into the bigger world.

Sanguine

2009-10-09T01:08:00.002+08:00

This is an important post to me.

When i was much younger i took a personality test.

The result showed that i was an influencer and sanguine.

I agreed.

But i did not know exactly what sanguine was.

Sanguine is a colour. I thought it was like cyan. Blue-green, turquoise.

It's peaceful. Sanguine sounds so peaceful anyway.

So in everything i did from then i was always more passive, because i thought i was.

But sanguine is not cyan, and sanguine is not peaceful.

I was told i was something i was not,

I believed i was something i was not,

I acted like something i was not,

I became something i was not.

Sanguine...

Is actually the colour of blood.

And it does not get more passionate than that.

I was Sanguine.

But after acting cyan for so long,

I am sanguine no more.

But this leads to the question.

What really matters?

Knowing who you are now?

Or knowing what you want to be, and believing it?

Drive me up the wall

2009-10-06T21:09:00.003+08:00

While waiting for my driving session to start, i took the liberty to sit in the air conditioned waiting area meant for people enrolling for lessons. Woman next to me asked a few questions, then inquired.

Are you from Singapore?

Yes.

You sound like you're Indonesian.

No way.

So you're malay?

I didn't know i changed that much after a relationship.

So i got into the driver's seat and screwed up the first 97 minutes of my 100 minute lesson. It looked more like i was playing bumper cars than driving. My instructor got frustrated, no surprise there. Finally he said...

Forget everything i told you. Just stop thinking and drive.

So i tried it and for the last 3 minutes did perfectly.

You playing with me right? 97 minutes you could not drive, then last 3 minutes do everything perfectly, i don't know if i can pass you for this lesson or not!

Well so some part of me hasn't changed since the relationship. Heh. Exterior change only. But significant cross cultural exterior change.

But come to think of it (yes i know i think too much but this is my blog! I'm supposed to think here!) how in the world does British influence on a Chinese boy turn him into an Indonesian Malay?

Pane

2009-10-05T22:54:00.002+08:00

Horror of horrors, this morning after careful checks, i found out that evil Footrot is back.

Somewhere between Dettol having 10 times more protection than ordinary soaps and Shokubutsu Anti-Bacterial body wash is a lie.

I was running towards a water dispenser today. Didn't notice the puddle of water around it. Slipped. Tried to brake with my foot. It contacted the sharp metal corner.

My skin was thick on my foot, it did not break. But i was bleeding under my skin.

Playing with the paper measuring tape from IKEA today. Went to wash my hands. Running water revealed a paper cut on my fingers to my pain receptors.

I wore a shirt that was colourful enough to stand out even among arts students today. Can't remember if it was Yinhong or Bernice who bought this shirt with me on my first shopping adventure at Bugis street.

What's going on. PsyJ would want to say it's a cry for attention, but i won't let him say it. Yinhong says physical pain activates the same neural pathways as emotional pain. I don't know what to say. I have never asked for help before.

The Things People Say

2009-10-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

I was in pain yesterday at worship practice. The band noticed. But i didn't tell them.

I was in pain over dinner. Chris and Huiqi noticed and asked. But i didn't tell them.

I was in pain at home. Mom and Marianne didn't notice, but i told them.

It was a kind of pain i could not tell people about easily.

We called the doctor.

Just a muscle strain thankfully.

Weird location though.

Told Jon Ma my best friend about it. His reply?

Hahahahahahaha!

Mom, I'm feeling lonely, i'm feeling emo, i'm sad. I remember when i last felt this way, i bought a fighting fish, and i was never alone for as long as it lived. Mom, can i buy another fighting fish?

No.

My aunt asked what i'm studying now. Psychology, i replied. I have not seen so much horror on a person's face before.

I don't want to visit you next time!

Maybe she watches The Mentalist too much.

Give me a ring

2009-10-02T21:51:00.004+08:00

Act 5, Scene 7

2 white, single-seater sofa chairs on stage facing the audience. Coffee table in between the chairs.

Girl enters just before Guy from stage right.

Guy: Sit down.

Girl sits on the sofa chair closest to her.

Guy: No, sit here. (motions to other sofa chair)

Girl changes sofa chair. Guy is holding something behind his back. Guy stands in front of Girl once she has sat down.

Girl: You are NOT getting down on one knee!

Guy brings his hands to the front, revealing a ring box.

Guy: I bought something for you...

Girl: Why me? Keep it for someone else...

Guy opens ring box to show her the ring.

Girl: Oh wow! That IS beautiful.

Guy: (taking the ring out of the box) This is for you.

Girl: No.

Guy holds the ring in front of her.

Girl: I cannot accept this.

Long pause.

Breakup Counseling 1101

Basic do's and don'ts when you find out your friend has gone through a break up.

1. When you see your friend, do acknowledge that you are aware of his/her situation. The last thing your friend needs now is awkwardness from you.

2. The first question should not be "why did you break up", but "how are you?" Your friend may not know why the other party initiated the break up, and being reminded of that makes it worst, especially if you're not his/her only friend. So put the question about the person before the one about the problem. Your friend's answer to the "how are you?" question should also give you an indicator as to what question to ask next, if you decide to at all.

3. Don't make assumptions before your friend can even explain (Please don't jump to conclusions before clearing step 1 and 2). Don't immediately assume it's the other party's fault. Give your friend a chance to explain, and the silence to do so. You can clarify your theories after step 1 and 2 if the friend is still stable.

For those of you who need explanations, summaries and interpretations,

Sarah is the Girl.

I am the Guy.

Sarah is now wearing the ring i gave her.

It's a toe ring.

We broke up today.

Apply what your learnt today in Breakup Counseling 1101.

Shared Materiality

2009-10-01T22:32:00.002+08:00

press press

soap soap

lather

thin layer

slippery bubbles

on my hands

i reach for the tap

but stop.

Opening my palms

Looking at my hands

pause.

Psychology

2009-09-29T15:11:00.002+08:00

I've been mugging Psychology till it's coming out of my ears and loving every moment of it. There is no other subject that you can apply what you learnt so immediately and commonly.

For example, i was studying about how the brain remembers things and was trying to figure out how to memorise all this info when i realised the answer was staring right at me.

Woah. Use psychology to study psychology.

But this creates a problem. Because i could look and analyse any action or word mentioned by anyone i come across psychologically (and i tend to do so), i'm starting to over work my brain in a phenomenon people call thinking too much.

Example: We learnt the laws of proximity (things close together are assumed to be together) and continuity (things that are traveling in the same direction are assumed to be together). I started laughing because read it as if the laws were used to tell if a guy and a girl were a couple.

Somehow my highly adaptive and creative brain has compensated for this over usage by creating a new user account, Psychologist Justin (let's call him PsyJ), in my brain. So normal Justin would be talking to a friend, while PsyJ would whisper in my ear that he notices how the person's body language has changed and is talking to me the way he would talk only to his close friends, which means he's comfortable with me.

I think i just started down a long and sad road of split personality.

I also analyse people and i know who would do what under certain circumstances. In other words i can put myself very easily in the shoes of someone i know and think the way they do.

As you can see, i have activated many new parts of my brain and am using them with so much curiosity. But these... are uncharted waters in my mind. And one night, when there was a lot of stress, i began to lose control.

Stress was beginning to fill my head and the hormonal balance was changing. Never really a problem before, but this time there was a lot more in my head that was getting affected. Normally i would only hear 2 voices, me and PsyJ, debating over an issue. Now several other personalities that i had (either of myself in other mental states or just the mental personalities of the people i had analysed) were beginning to talk as well. This was bad- i was hearing too many voices in my head and they were out of control. I tried to sleep but could not silence the competing shouting voices.

Can't fight the voices in my head. Can't shout louder than them. Never mind. This is my brain and i can do whatever i want in it.

Somehow, my years of fighting thoughts of temptation beforehand helped (thank God...) and i pulled he same method here and it worked. I imagined a blue floor in my mind that melted every thought that touched it. I was in the middle of it and all the other personalities around began to melt into the blue and the dim and the dark. Many others came out of the darker corners of my mind, some twisted and scary, but i didn't fear them as they melted away the moment they touched the blue.

It was quiet then, and i found myself- right in the middle of the blue, fading slowly.

And then there was silence.

Sleep had come at last.

Healer

2009-09-25T23:20:00.003+08:00

Why is it...

The moment i say i have food poisoning...

Everyone starts talking at me as if they are my doctor?

I ate my first piece of meat today. A thin slice of ham on white bread.

Nothing has tasted this good. Nothing had felt this bad.

Things i never thought could be taken away i took for granted.

The freedom to eat when i'm hungry...

To gulp when i'm thirsty...

To sleep when i'm tired...

To study.

To move my fingers...

my hands...

my wrists...

my feet.

But what really matters was what was said on one of the scariest nights of my life. As diarrhea, violent vomiting and profuse sweating drained my body of salts and liquid, i lost control of my legs, my fingers froze together and my wrists locked themselves backwards. Realizing i was going into shock, i told mom to call an ambulance. In that moment alone i cried out in no uncertain terms:

IN JESUS NAME, HELP ME!

And he did.

Staring Incidents

2009-09-22T01:20:00.003+08:00

I sit on the train alone.

No one stares at me.

My girlfriend sits on the train alone.

People stare at her.

But when i sit on the train next to her...

People stare at me.

It was a little freaky at first, but now...

When people stare...

I smirk to myself.

Yup, she's with me.

KungPaoCian

2009-09-20T21:39:00.002+08:00

My heart is heavy, and my bladder is filled to bursting.

Stairway to Heaven

2009-09-19T20:41:00.003+08:00

Heading to church.

There was a huge crane outside, reducing the road to one lane.

Girl walking on the road towards me with earplugs on.

She didn't realise she was holding up traffic behind her.

She was wearing some yellow and white JC shirt.

KPCians

2009-09-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

He thinks being late is cool.

-Daniel on Vincent

I met up with the 18 year olds from youth a few days back. We were supposed to go to Wild Wild Wet for a time of fun but um... my 18 year old boys preferred to... mug.

If i told my girlfriends that... They'd die laughing...

-Girl from Prinsep Presbyterian

So we met for lunch then headed to the airport where the 18 year old girls saw crayons and free paper and started colouring. The boys were too embarrassed to stay around and quickly went aside.

___-_-___

Sounds more politically correct now?

When The Tears Fall

2009-09-19T00:47:00.002+08:00

Tears fell 4 times today.

All regarding tonight's Bible study.

I'd usually tell you what i felt and how amazing the passage was, but this time i won't. God's word doesn't need paraphrasing by me. Just take the time to read it slowly.

Here's the context: David, after spending 37 years of his life in the field, has finally been crowned king. God's promise to him has finally come to pass. Then God adds something...

"When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body, and I will establish his kingdom. He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. I will be his father, and he will be my son."

2 chapters later,

Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?"

Newton

2009-09-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

Kid on the floor at the MRT station. Crying, beating the floor and throwing a tantrum. Family stands around.

"What's his problem?" Sarah asks.

"Gravity."

Dare You to Move

2009-09-18T02:29:00.003+08:00

I was one of the best debaters in the country.

I was a top shooter in my unit.

I bear the heaviest loads in my company.

I walk further than you would cycle.

I wield a sword like few can.

I can see at night- pitch black.

But why have i been so scared to put myself out there?

Why have i been so scared to fail that i don't dare to try?

Because i've been alone all this while.

I had no one to cry to when i fail.

Thus i found my value in doing things perfectly

And if it can't be perfect, i won't do it.

So the potentially best debater/shooter/walker/fighter didn't, and wasn't.

What am i to fear now?

Of night and light and the half light,

2009-09-15T20:14:00.004+08:00

I was making my way home after a hard evening run.

Body battered, beaten and bruised.

Walking along i saw a little girl and her grandmother.

The little girl was half my height.

The grandma was so hunched she was almost the little girl's height.

They were walking home.

I realised my steps had slowed.

And i wondered.

What is the meaning of life?

When dreams and ambition have come to naught.

When years and strength are almost spent.

What do we live for then?

And is there really any difference

between what the little girl lives for

And what the little grandma lives for?

I found myself on a dim path i had never taken before.

But somehow i knew it would lead me home.

Too much TV

2009-09-15T00:27:00.004+08:00

Many are called,
Few are chosen.

Not a line you'd expect to hear on TV (mobile).
I sat up in the bus and awaited the next line.

Now let's find out who will be...

...the next Ninja Warrior!

Ho yeah!
Hahaha life is good again.

I love Ninja Warrior. It's probably half the reason why i'm training my body so hard- i'm inspired.

(The other half is because my girlfriend mentioned in passing that she likes shoulders and arms.)

Makoto Nagano, the fishing boat captain, just cleared the new stage one with a new record! Ho ho ho!

He's my favourite contestant.

My sister and i shouted, screamed and banged on the floor for the full 30 seconds of his ascent up stage 4 and achieve total victory in the previous season- becoming only the second man to be crowned Ninja Warrior in history.

He should really be recruited to join G.I.Joe.

Technically,

this unit doesn't exist.

But if it did,

it would be comprised of the best operatives in the world.

And when all else fails, they don't.

Just think of it.

The selling power!

Makoto Nagano-

Ninja Warrior,

G.I.Joe.

Incomparable, unchangeable...

2009-09-14T00:23:00.005+08:00

The drink runs up the straw and sweetness stings my tongue.

I take a big gulp and the coke burns my throat.

The burger in my other hand is not worth what i paid.

I pick up a french fry, dab it in ketchup, take a bite and put the rest in my mouth.

I'm sitting alone in McDonalds.

I'm not willing to pay so much for food, but if a happy meal can give me what it's name promises, i'll gladly pay.

It's closing time soon.

___

This morning during worship i fell to my knees.
It's something i've never done at youth service before.
Something no one has done at youth service before.

This afternoon when the sanctuary was empty
i sat at the foot of the cross
speaking softly; words no man has ever heard.

Amanda passed through the hall without realising i was there.
She was startled when a voice called her by name
from beneath the big wooden cross
in a supposedly empty hall.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just sitting at the foot of the cross," I replied.

"Oh okay. You seem very emo lately."

But of course.

Quotes

2009-09-12T01:19:00.002+08:00

In case you're still in the dark and think that Justin's book of quotes no longer exist... time to follow me into the light. With the advent of modern technology, Justin's book of quotes is now in digital format... and very up to date. So you've been warned (and now you know why Justin has been typing into his phone every time you talk nonsense). Here are some extracts from the bestseller soon to hit stores.

The Good

Take stock of my life:
Am I a human being or a human doing?
-Dr Alan Adams

It's not about
how smart you are
or how rich you are,
but who you are.
-Mike Hack

The Bad

How do you spell FBI?
-Rex, Toy Story 2

Want me to scold your mother is it?
-My mother

The T Shirt Slogans

Your daughter is in good hands.

Friends don't let friends talk to ugly boys.

-

I cannot believe i've never used this post title before.

Shaken

2009-09-11T00:38:00.003+08:00

It really sucks.

Why is it

After all these years

Only now

Has someone pointed out to me my weakness

Friends are supposed to point out my blind spots.

But my blind spot is that i have no friends.

Sigh...

Who am i to blame.

Just Say It

2009-09-06T21:14:00.004+08:00

Okay i finally changed my facebook relationship status. Hurry go click the like button.

When i first got together with Sarah she warned me that if i were to propose at the end of this year she'll scream and run in the opposite direction.

Now people, be honest and own up... who alerted her of my tendency to propose?

Meridians

2009-09-06T00:06:00.004+08:00

He thinks being late is cool.

-Daniel on Vincent

I met up with the 18 year olds from youth today. We were supposed to go to Wild Wild Wet for a time of fun but um... my Meridian JC boys preferred to... mug.

If i told my girlfriends that... They'd die laughing...

-Girl from RJC

So we met for lunch then headed to the airport where the MJ girls saw crayons and free paper and started colouring. The boys were too embarrassed to stay around and quickly went aside.

___-_-___

Maybe if i tell you you're not good

enough, making you work

rather hard as a result;

in the end, if you

do well,

i've succeeded

and it seems worth it, yet...

not once did i consider the cost.

Bible Study

2009-09-05T01:21:00.004+08:00

Some things i never knew are actually mentioned in the Bible.

Heard of the saying:

Red sky morning,

sailors' warning.

red sky night,

sailors' delight.

It was actually mentioned by Jesus in slightly different words.

Matthew 16:2-3

Have you heard of a man crying for his wife was being taken away from him to be given to a King? Yeah of course. But have you heard of such a story in the Bible? David wanted his first wife back from her new husband Paltiel. Paltiel's devotion is seen in 2 Samuel 3:16.

Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim.

Just thought you might want to know.

Space

2009-09-05T01:00:00.002+08:00

A girl came into our tutorial class half an hour late. She was exasperated and spoke loudly.

"How do i get here?!? It's like NUS has become a labyrinth!"

"Aren't you a year 2 student?" The tutor said.

"3!"

But i don't blame her.

Our class was on the 2nd floor of block 5.

Walking from the 1st floor of block 4 gets you to the 4th floor of block 5.

Walking down the stairs from there will get you to the 3rd floor, the sign on the wall tells you what is located on floor 1 to 6, but the staircase does not go any lower than the 3rd floor.

Go figure.

Taylor Swift

2009-09-01T14:10:00.003+08:00

We were both young

When i first saw you...

Marianne bought Taylor Swift's Fearless album. Nice. (Fearless has been what i've been trying to be for a long time.) But once the songs started playing, especially Teardrops On My Guitar, i got so emo. It was like the song was written about me.

But come to think of it, you know who gets the most emo listening to Taylor Swift's music? (No not you Des.) It's the boys who inspired her heartbreaking songs. Imagine how the dude will feel when he hears The Taylor Swift singing about how she used to like him but he was too blind to notice. Now that... would make any dude emo.

But to give them some credit... If the dudes had noticed her... She would not have been heartbroken and thus inspired to sing, and she would not have become The Taylor Swift.

Just a thought.

My favourite line of all her songs:

Romeo save me

They try to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult

But it's real

Sigh

2009-08-29T22:55:00.001+08:00

Justin: So are you happy now that I have given you chocolate?

Desiree: (Points at table) Ant.

Automatic Taps

2009-08-27T23:45:00.001+08:00

Here's the good, the bad and the freaky in auto taps.

The Good: Singapore Changi Airport

I spent many weeks at the airport studying for my A levels. And these auto taps there really set the standard. Anyone coming through the airport would be impressed by our country's high technology level.

The Bad: Citylink Mall

Yesterday I spent a good few minutes in front of the 8 sinks. One by one i tried, and no water would come out from any of them. The sensor was cleverly disguised in a position i could not find for the first few minutes. When i finally did though, i still needed to put one hand at the sensor while washing the other hand. Seriously now, what's the point of investing in all that technology?

The Freaky: Marina Barrage

The flip side of what happened in Citylink mall. It's not easy getting there, but it's worth the travel because the barrage is a quiet place away from people. I was there and i was alone in the toilet. Washing my hands. When the auto tap at the end of the room came on and no one else was there. I laughed. It came on again. I stopped laughing. It came on again. I prayed.

Peace

2009-08-22T21:54:00.003+08:00

Eagerly i await the day

that in the fields of green i lay

down the armour i had worn

for the battle has been won

When i can lower my shield of faith

knowing well that i am safe

Breastplate and belt to ground will fall

no longer will i need them all

Helmet and shoes will be set down

finding their rest upon the ground

Longingly i await the day

that in the fields of green i lay

down the sword that i held true

knowing that i am finally through.

Noticing

2009-08-22T00:31:00.002+08:00

Man sits on crowded bench on crowded LRT platform.

LRT pulls in. People stand up.

Man sits on bench on crowded LRT platform.

LRT doors open. People walk forward.

Man sits on bench on crowded LRT platform.

Not staring at anything, but noticing everything:

How the crowd facing away from him silently and seamlessly split into 2 to enter the doors.

How the sound of different shoes resounded against the platform tiles.

How the footsteps of each person told the story of their day.

Man sits on bench on empty LRT platform.

Everyone has entered the LRT. As they stop and turn to face the platform, they notice the man.

He had always been there, watching all of them, but they had only just noticed him.

Man picks up bag, stands up and walks towards the LRT.

Man enters the crowded train, turns around, and stops moving.

Empty bench on empty LRT platform.

University Dedication Service

2009-08-20T23:40:00.001+08:00

Overheard at reception after the UDS this evening:

"Hey Moses, let me introduce you to Aaron."

I thought that sounded cool. Then the boy continued,

"And my name is Joshua."

Really now, what's in a name.

___-_-___

Inside the theatre during worship,
Some students raised their hands,
Many clapped along,
And all sang their hearts out.

But one man had tears in his eyes;
peculiar thing indeed.

It wasn't during a slow song that he teared.

They were at the song One Way.

___-_-___

And you know what, this was the second time he was seen crying during the song One Way.

Raja Labah Labah

2009-08-18T13:50:00.000+08:00

I caught a spider in the bathroom and labeled the box Raja Labah Labah (Malay for King Spider).

I left it on my sister's table as a gift with the lid slightly open so it could breathe, and the post it label held the opening at a size the spider could not escape.

But the post it didn't hold very well. By the 3rd day, the spider was out of captivity.

There have been sightings of a spider running around my sister's table.

What really baffles me though, is that the spider returned to the box to build a web there.

Now why would the Rajah Labah Labah, in it's freedom, return to the place of captivity?

The Scene: Junction beneath Eunos Ubi Flyover

2009-08-18T11:30:00.001+08:00

The fire engine's siren is blaring

The red and white vehicle behind is braking

The learner plate driver in front of them is panicking

Juxtapose

2009-08-11T19:21:00.003+08:00

There's a chinese funeral taking place at the void deck downstairs.

In front of the void deck, blocking half the view of the funeral, is a giant banner saying:

HAPPY 44TH BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

Missions Festival 2009

2009-08-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

I'm not going to tell you about the events of today.

But i'm going to write about 2 things i learnt.

First, during worship, as we sang "lift up your head, open the doors, let the king of glory come in," and i envisioned opening my door and seeing Jesus there, and giving him a great big hug, i realised something about one of the stories i had written.

I have been writing a book for some time, but i'm stuck. People often analyze other's writing, and when they are not sure what it's intended to mean, they ask the author. But how was it that in analyzing my own text, i suddenly saw a very different interpretation i never intended? Who could i ask?

What was the significance of this revelation during worship then? I didn't know, but what scared me was that the lead character was supposed to be me. But this i didn't know this about him. He was a missionary.

Second, when they made the call to commitment. Give 2 years of your life to God in missions. I felt God call me to the ends of the earth, but when the call for commitment came, i hesitated. I really could not take the step forward. Because there was something at the back of my mind holding me.

There was nothing that i could love more than God. Yet to give up something so dear for his will was excruciating. But i was given a verse and it gave me strength and i hurried forward to sign my name.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God.

Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice Issac his only son. I was always intrigued at the long journey they made to the mountain, at how increasingly torn Abraham must have been. Yet in the end, Abraham still managed to surrender Issac up to the Lord, and was ready to lose him in the sacrifice. And i managed to do that today. Sure it might not have been something as precious as a son to Abraham, but it was something i treasured so much. Leaving everything behind, i walked forward and signed my name to make the commitment.

To Abraham, Issac was lost. But God meant to test the faithfulness of Abraham, and when he proved faithful, God rewarded Abraham with Issac whom he had given up to the Lord. Abraham seeked the kingdom of God first and foremost, over everything else.

And all these things were added unto him.

I didn't expect that when i went up; to gain through loss. I just wanted to seek first his will. But in the end, all these things were added unto me. Hallelujah.

3 Weeks

2009-08-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

3 weeks to the day.

It's been 3 tough weeks.

But it's finally over, and i shall blog again.

I don't think my posts will be quite the same any more.

Question:

Is the faith of one who keeps distance from the world and its temptations

Any better than the one who lives close to the world but holds true to faith?

Silence

2009-08-01T01:09:00.003+08:00

If i don't blog for an extended period of time, you know something's going on that i can't blog about. Even in my business i would usually blog. But something's happening now, that is still in a transitional stage, that if i were to blog about, may affect the final outcome.

So since I can't speak unless i'm honest,

And since I can't speak honestly now.

I can't speak.

Yet.

Boy

2009-07-27T00:54:00.001+08:00

Georgie Porgie, Puddin' and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran away

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill

2009-07-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

I just got home with 3 bags.

I had left home with 4.

Anything valuable inside? Mom asks.

No. But precious, yes.

My diary.

Oh no...

Look what we found...

2009-07-24T00:14:00.006+08:00

Shopping with Sarah Smith.

Girls' shoes, boys' toys, children's clothes, and babies' books.

It's interesting what you can find in places no one usually goes.

Thus ends many months of searching.

Ho yeah.

Oh come on, i'm just acting like any excited boy who found the book he was looking for in the toddlers' section would.

Dream Girl

2009-07-17T14:52:00.004+08:00

After yesterday's post and some very deep conversation with Desiree i've come to a better understanding of our current mindset as young adults.

It's tough to be a young adult. The decisions we need to make now affect the rest of our lives. We're deciding our career paths at this tender age, and it's scary.

More unsettling though is the thought that we've reached the age where it's culturally accepted to start looking for a life partner. So we look around and realise the painful incongruence between the stories of princes and princesses and true perfect love we have heard all our lives, and the fact that the irritating boy or girl who used to pull our hair in primary school is now a potential spouse.

It's a sudden shock that has many of us bordering depression. So our simplest instinctive response is to say okay i'm going to be single and put off thinking of this for now. It's gonna take a while to sink in. But don't take our word for it when we say we want to be single forever. Not yet.

Desiree disagreed with all this because it represented my perspective and not her's. She doesn't believe in princes. So she's probably in a better mindset than i am. Reaching adulthood was not as shocking for her as it was for me. Great.

In other news, someone asked me what my dream girl is like. Tough one. But after much searching and reflecting i think i found what i'm most attracted to. Take a look at this video. If you get impatient fast forward to 2:15 when she first appears. Click on the HD button- she looks a lot better.

See... i still believe in princesses. And elves and monsters. But i digress.

So what has this elven female warrior have anything to do with reality?

Simply put, she is a representation of qualities that attract me most.

So what are they:

1. She's honed her strengths and skills.

2. She's fearless, taking on beast bigger than her.

3. She's fragile.

Everyone who i've shown this video to says the dark elf sorceress looks so much more beautiful (i've shown this to more girls than guys okay) by the way. But external beauty pales in comparison to character.

This girl sure can fight. She knows her strength lies in agility and speed and she has honed her skills that allow her to be anything but useless in the coming dark days. But what i find most beautiful about this girl is that she is fragile and can be beaten (she came so close to death at the hands of the sorceress) yet that did not stop her from from throwing herself in dangers way and fighting for what she believes in.

I'm not in love with a computer generated fictional character living in a world that does not exist. But what she is, is what attracts me most in a woman. Just so you know.

Girls, girls, girls...

2009-07-16T14:36:00.003+08:00

The next big thing seems to be celibacy.

Well at least, out of the 6 closest friends that i have, 3 have stated they would probably be single for the rest of their lives.

I find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad.

I giggle when i remember how mature we thought we were at 16. Because frankly, all my closest friends who think they'll be single for the rest of their lives are 21 and below, making that statement based on experiences that they had when they were what- 16? Like they won't change much in the next 60 or more years.

I am disturbed and slightly insulted too to realise that half of my closest friends who think they will stay single are the girls. As a guy... it's okay to hear girls say that at 16, but it's depressing to hear that at 21.

Back in JC i would secretly scoff at guys who said they could not understand girls. I guess in that time of innocence and idealism i could talk to a girl about personal matters the way i would read an open book. Defenses were down and trust was easily earned by sincerity and truth. But now it seems the books are all closed. And we all know you can't judge a book by it's cover.

I had a great season of service and counseling in JC and i really enjoyed saving the world, but it seems i'm no longer as able to communicate with girls i'm talking to in the same way. They have changed. Now i understand why people don't say girls are hard to understand. Instead they say women are hard to understand. And the girls my age, have all turned to women.

The old knight in shining armour, riding on a white horse, approach don't work no more. Times have changed- time for me to change if i want to keep helping people effectively.

So... I'm going to do some gender studies in university while studying psycology, and i'll attend ladies fellowship in church this weekend.

U dodgy boy, u! Now i know what u spend most of ur time thinking about. Girls girls girls!

Missing

2009-07-16T01:58:00.002+08:00

I met someone today who is quite like Rachel B.

And i ask myself.

Why am i so endeared to this type of person?

What is it that she has that i lack?

Fishing

2009-07-13T16:31:00.007+08:00

I met up with LKY for fishing this morning.

We came prepared for all eventualities.

Everyone knows that grass-type pokemon are strong against water-type pokemon, so i brought help in the form of Bulbasaur, my first pokemon.

I must say, Pastor Kuo Yung sure has a lot of equipment.

Bulbasaur was exceptionally excited to see a Master Ball in the box. It insisted on taking a picture with the rare item. Just look at that wide grin.

And so we cast out. Bulbasaur helped watch one of Kuo Yung's rods. (He had 3!)

We spotted a Krabby clinging to a slipper floating by...

Oh oh! A bite!

I reeled in the line and we had caught a Puffer!

Go Bulbasaur! Use your vine whip!

It's super effective!

Wild Puffer fainted!

Just look at the size of that Puffer! Thankfully Bulbasaur's grass-type attacks are strong against water-type pokemon, so though much bigger than my Bulbasaur, the wild Puffer had no chance.

And that was just the first of many successful battles!

I landed this big one (above) with Kuo Yung's help. Not long after he also landed another of the same species, just slightly smaller.

So we fished and battled all morning until the sun was high and we were satisfied (and tired). Bulbasaur wanted to stay on (it loves sunlight) but the food needed to get to a refrigerator quickly. Waving goodbye, Kuo Yung and i parted, each to his own home.

Disclaimer: No Puffers were harmed in the making of this blogpost. As you can see, Bulbasaur took time to have friendly chatter with the Puffer before and after the battle scene was taken.

The same cannot be said of the other 2 fish though.

Oh come on... you expected me to eat the Puffer?

Elijah

2009-07-11T01:01:00.003+08:00

Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”

-1 Kings 19:4

1 month ago this very day, heartbroken and disappointed, i said the same.

Campus Crusade Camp

2009-07-08T22:48:00.002+08:00

What a fantastic camp.

On day 1 i found out my group had 6 girls and 2 guys.

What a fantastic group.

Then Huiqi came and told the group that i only talk to girls in church.

What a fantastic friend.

Tears and Fears

2009-07-03T13:26:00.004+08:00

I had a dream that i was talking to someone presently in the guards camp that i was once in.

He was a christian, and he was struggling in camp.

He just wanted to give up. Was it all worth it? He asked.

I looked at him. He looked like me. So i said to the Justin of a year ago.

When i look back, I thank God and say...

I had to paused here. I had never said what i was about to say before. The words were so heavy my teardrops started to well up with the great burden of bearing their weight. Had i known the amount of hurt, pain and suffering i was about to endure at the beginning, would i have ever taken this road? I gave him my answer

It was worth it. Serving You was all worth it.

I guess i finally understand why dad cried when he sent me off.

He knew the suffering would be plenty,

but he also knew i would be able to grow through much hardship.

It's not common for me to wake up in tears.

Driving

2009-07-01T00:42:00.002+08:00

After 10 trial tests in 3 hours, i was quite ready for the real thing.

Passed my Final theory test in 15 minutes.

But as i settled down to smile, i was reminded of the people who drive for a living.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Have you met the taxi driver who works the night shift?

6pm to 6am every day.

Every 2 weeks, one day off.

Sleeping at home in the day, awake outside at night.

If you've done shift work, or guard duty, you'll understand.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Have you met the bus driver who drives from Singapore to Penang?

11 hour drive up to Penang, 1 hour break, 11 hour drive down to Singapore.

Every single day.

2 of them take turns sleeping and driving in the bus.

They get a break once every 2 weeks when the bus is sent for servicing.

But if it's not being serviced near home, they don't have time to go home.

So i guess you don't have a wife, i said.

I do. And i have children.

But i can't see them.

In the past 2 weeks...

2009-06-30T01:43:00.003+08:00

I was around 2 girls who suddenly and randomly had emotional breakdowns.

I made 2 other girls cry after reading something i wrote.

And today, another one suddenly and randomly broke down after reading something i wrote.

___-_-___

After many days of searching for the book Pride and Prejudice at several popular bookstores, i found a copy on the dining table today. Seems Marianne was using it as her literature text.

___-_-___

I was arranging to meet an old classmate at Times Square in KL and give Kimberly (who was with me) a surprise. On the way up, she called.

Classmate: I'm leaving the school now. Be there in 2 hours.

Justin: We'll be there at about 1.30pm.

How long will you be there for?

About 45 minutes.

You want me to spend 2 hours just getting there to spend 45 minutes with you all?

Go and die lah!

No prizes for guessing the classmate.

___-_-___

Life is short guys. Time passes so fast.

Fighting Spiders' 2nd last episode airs tomorrow.

It's not too late to repent if you haven't been watching.

Now time to see how the boys survive without the alpha female Sam around.

Conclusion

2009-06-26T02:06:00.007+08:00

I know i should post something but not sure what.

Appeal status Current status : NUS regrets that your appeal is unsuccessful. Last Appeal Received : 03 JUN 2009. Last Mode of Appeal : ONLINE APPEAL FORM.

So i guess that's it then.

Makes me wonder what the past 3 years have been about.

But it is okay. Because a few years from now i won't be asking the same question once i can look at the whole matter from hindsight. For now, FASS, here i come.

In other news i could do the right thing without having the bittersweet aftertaste of giving something up. I was given a moral choice, i took the tougher road and things came out tops.

Because now, I'm doing the right thing no longer merely because i want to do the right thing. Doing the right thing sometimes involves uncomfortable sacrifices that that kind of reasoning cannot stand against. See my former post titled Girls.

And why suddenly so holy? I got stuck in church for 2 hours alone last friday. Life changing. I had forgotten that christianity was not a religion but a relationship. Marilyn could listen to Adam Lambert's words- his songs, and write fan mail, but that doesn't constitute communication or a relationship. In the same way i was reading God's word and praying for people, but it didn't constitute a relationship.

So i spent some time placing everything back in God's hands. then i felt my burden was lighter. He now held my worries for my future, dreams, ambitions, talents, friends, family, wife and life. Like Norma Desmond once said:

Peace can only come when you surrender

I'll see you again when i surrender

So we're back on track again. Time to go save the world.

I haven't said that in... years... wow.

Hello God, long time no see!

And to conclude, yesterday i found out i made 2 girls cry after reading words that i had written. That made me want to cry. I was so happy.

La la la la la.

I may have given everything up to God, but he has made sure i haven't lost everything.

La la la la la.

By the way, we're down to the final 2 episodes of Fighting Spiders. This week's episode was drama! Things have changed. I didn't have much hope for Tony and Annie before coz...

Tony had to choose between gang and Annie. Tony chose gang.

Annie had a more stable alternative option- a doctor going after her.

2 points against them getting back together.

But just this week the whole gang got killed in a shootout and Annie's doctor boyfriend revealed his dark nature. So it's hu-rah for Tony and Annie's last chance to reunite. Hurry too, it's only left to 2 episodes! Chances are good too, a boxer ex-gangster like Tony is the kind of person Annie can turn to when dealing with a pervert.

So to conclude my conclusion, oh man... In 2 weeks time i'll have no one else's life to watch. I'll need to live my own life! Oh the horror.

Not forgetting the kite flying bully beating tomboy Sam is back and now part of a love triangle. Woah!

Sam in Fighting Spiders season 2 when she turns 16.

So to conclude my conclusion that i had previously concluded, love God. Not love his book or love writing fanmail to him. Love him like you would a father, a brother, and a friend who gave you life and his life. And when you love him and let him take charge of your life, he'll make it meaningful and happy for you.

Trust me on that, I gave him everything, and he gave me Fighting Spiders to watch on youtube even after i missed an episode on TV and fell into despair. (click on the link to see how Sam looks like in season 1)

On feet, nails and other rotten stuff

2009-06-19T16:47:00.003+08:00

Marianne put my feet on her lap and took out her nail polish.

Would i get foot-rot from touching your feet? She asked.

Maybe, but footrot is most commonly spread through water droplets.

So do you clean up the shower after you bathe?

Of course, i spray it down with water, pour Dettol and finally swipe whatever water is left into the drain with my feet.

I'm not sure why but she then painted all of my toe nails bright and shimmering.

Letter

2009-06-15T01:08:00.002+08:00

To my dearest wife,

The bed's been quite empty without you here. There's a distinct feeling i get in the house that something's missing. It's not an obvious kind of thing... i know no one else in the house feels it, but i do. I miss you.

Things have not been as great as they used to. The dreams i had are not really coming true the way i hoped they would. I've spent all my efforts on getting into Medical College i haven't been close to people for a while. And now that i didn't get in, i'm left with nothing. Yeah... I wish you could be here now, holding me in your arms and telling me that it's going to be alright. I may have lost all else, but to have you by my side is still more than i could ever wish for. I love you.

I'm not going to hide the truth from you. It's tough being without you and it's tough being true to you when you're not here. There are so many nice girls around who are gentle and kind, who would go out of their way for others. But i chose to be alone, to be away from them. There are so many picture of girls as attractive as can be in magazines, TV, and posters. But i stay away from them too. It's difficult and it even hurts to abstain, but i know you would want me to. And i too want to be as perfect and pure as i can for you, because you are worth it.

It's time to turn in. I'll be thinking of you before i close my eyes, imagining all the things we could do once we're together. I can't wait to see you.

Love,

Justin

Horror of horrors

2009-06-14T00:19:00.008+08:00

The following post contains images that may be

disturbing or unsuitable for young viewers.

Viewer discretion is advised.

I was on my way to the driving centre.

I had taken a new bus route and alighted at a bus-stop i had never been to before.

I sat down beneath the shelter, awaiting my transfer bus.

Then i saw it. Lying on the ground behind the bus shelter, almost hidden by the bushes.

The body of a poor baby, abandoned.

The Dark Night

2009-06-13T00:21:00.007+08:00

Winter's night in London.

I was comfortably tucked under the sheets in a bed fit for a princess.

Rachel, my host who had so kindly given up her bed for me, was at the door.

She entered the room and picked up a stone on the shelf.

This is a piece of a lighthouse in Italy, said to be one of the most haunted places in the world. In one instance, the lighthouse keeper murdered his wife and kid and hacked them to bits.

Rachel gently placed the stone back on the shelf.

Well, goodnight.

She switched off the lights and left, closing the door behind her.

I used to think she was an angel.

___-_-___

Today she sent me a link to a picture of the lighthouse.

For the First Time in My Life

2009-06-11T01:45:00.009+08:00

I made a major decision regarding a girl, and i didn't feel any sense of regret after it was made.

It was such a relief.

For the first time in my life, it didn't feel wrong- like a mistake i should not have made or a road i should not have not taken.

I felt peace.

I feel i'm whole again.

I feel like a poet who has found his pen.

I feel like the boy who was lost and found.

I feel complete.

I'm back.

Joy.

I'm happy.

I hope it lasts.

Thank you Lord. Thank you so, so much.

Please help this to work out.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Malnourishment

2009-06-09T13:42:00.003+08:00

If Bruce Wayne got too involved as Batman and forgot to live as Bruce, Wayne Enterprises would fail and he would lose everything he had.

If you want to burn the candle on both sides, you better have a very long candle.

The more you burn on one side, the less you have for the other.

Justin goes to friend. Says he's depressed. Says Life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Friend says "Answer is simple. The Great Counsellor GuardiAngel is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Justin bursts into tears. Says, "But friend... I am GuardiAngel." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll On snare drum. Curtains.

Surprise!

2009-06-02T23:54:00.005+08:00

I decided to open my mailbox today.

It was just a hunch.

I felt i would find something.

The last time i had such a hunch i thought a letter from NUS was coming.

I was half right, a letter from Vellore in india came.

I opened the letter box and there was a parcel.

Surprise!

No, it's not from NUS Medicine telling me that they are un-rejecting me.

But it's my order flown at top speed from UK, arriving an entire week ahead of schedule.

It's the movie adaptation of my favorite book,

Lost & Found

by Oliver Jeffers!

Now on DVD

Life is meaningful again, at least for the next 50 minutes of running time.

2009-06-01T16:33:00.005+08:00

Went shopping with some church friends yesterday.

Was in a comics shop with the guys when the girls who were at the christian bookshop next door came over giggling. They had found a book that they said perfectly described me.

Oh no... i thought about how bad this could be.

So i went over to find out what title they thought would suit a book about me.

And i did not expect it.

Buried inside every young man is the potential to change the world

Deep within the rugged soul of every man, there is a warrior in search of his sword and a poet in search of his pen. But heroic, prince-like masculinity is something most women only dream of in today's perverse and self-serving world.

It's probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

Remix

2009-05-29T14:25:00.002+08:00

Following the smashing success of my remix of You can tell if someone studied Literature, here's a new look at another old entry, If i didn't have...

If i didn't have Zhi Han, maybe because she's busy with clinicals,

i still have Jon Ma to confide in.

If i didn't have Jon Ma, maybe because he's busy with triathalons,

i still have Bernice to talk to.

If i didn't have Bernice, maybe because she's busy with internships and choir,

i still have Yinhong to laugh with.

If i didn't have Yinhong, maybe because she's in China,

i still have Marianne to hug.

If i didn't have Marianne, maybe because she's in the library,

i still have Glorfindel.

But Glorfindel's dead.

G.G.

After thought

2009-05-28T00:51:00.004+08:00

Some of us like pictures more than words. So I should not be using words to show you how fascinated i was with the picture book my nephew was reading. So here's that post once again, You can tell if someone studied Literature, with pictures and videos.

Breakfast in Portsmouth, England.

Dad was talking to my 3 year old nephew.

Why don't you go upstairs with uncle Justin and ask him to read you a story?

So we went up and i read him a story.

15 minutes later, my nephew came back down.

Where's uncle Justin? Dad asked.

He's still upstairs, reading my book.

Bite Sized Chunks

2009-05-26T13:42:00.004+08:00

Internet is down,

Life is upside down.

Here's a post of everything i've wanted to say for the past weeks.

___-_-___

Results for my entrance exam to the Indian College come out this Friday.

Results for NUS Medicine between May and early July.

I'm tired of thinking about what may happen. I've already explored the consequences of getting into Medicine in Singapore or India or both or none a hundred times each and i'm tired. Now i just try to stop thinking and wait. Enough...

___-_-___

I've been feeling guilty about how i spend my time now. No work, no school, no life. I'm staying away from counseling people, i'm staying clear of commitments and responsibilities. I'm sleeping in late and staying up late. I'm doing nothing that contributes to my future and thus feeling no sense of purpose and fulfillment in my life.

guilty, guilty, guilty.

But at the young adults weekend away i poured out to God how i felt and he replied with the idea of seasons. Sure you are feeling guilty of slacking now, but think of it this way- if things work out like you hope... You're not going to be able to slack for such an extended period of time for the next... 10 years or so?

With that in mind i slept in bed till noon, ate brunch, then slept in my sister's bed while she was in school till dinner. And didn't feel that bad.

___-_-___

Of all the things i miss... I realize i miss relationships from certain periods of time most.

It's not about missing a person, it's missing doing something in particular with that person, or group.

I miss my days in the TK choir spent preparing for our Big River musical. We'd come to school everyday during our school holidays and spend our entire day enjoying ourselves singing and acting as if we lived in the times of Huckleberry Finn.

I miss swimming lessons with the Lee family that always ended with the 2 Mariannes and 2 Wen-Jies playing in the Katong Swimming pool, diving and jumping into the water in all sorts of manners. And playing Marco Polo too.

I miss jamming with Shaun every Saturday before Faith Factor. I learnt the drums, bass and guitar then and we really played as one. Not to mention the amazing talent i was learning from.

I miss the year Rachel Berry looked out for me. She always had the answers to all the problems i was facing and nothing seemed too difficult with her behind me. Even now, 4 years later, i still find myself sometimes wishing she's around to help make light my heavy struggles.

Just to name a few times i forgot the outside world existed.

Point is... I'm still in contact with my TK choir friends, i still see the Lees every other week, i still talk to Shaun at Young Adults and i still can find Rachel online when i stay up to be in her time zone.

But the magic of the moment is lost.

There will be seasons in life of great joy, and seasons in life of great distress. Don't you dare feel guilty enjoying yourself when your life may seem better than others because soon, all you'll have is the memories and the wish that you had treasured the moments more.

I better go take and treasure an afternoon nap while i can.

___-_-___

Spider-Man 2 was on yesterday.

Spider man fights so hard for people who know not his struggles or appreciate him for his efforts. No one helps him, no one understands. In the end, he gives up.

There is one struggle in life we guys face that the girls will never really understand. And if they don't realise how difficult our struggle is or appreciate our efforts, and if they don't help us... We might well give up, and give in.

For the struggle for purity is always against our instinctive logic.

Man's fascination with Vampires is because their bloodlust parallels almost completely the male lust.

"Isn't it about time someone saved you?" - Mary Jane Watson

___-_-___

A lot of my gal friends tell it's good to marry within your own church.

In my church, there are 4 dudes and 2 gals my age.

Not a good ratio.

No problem though, i can look outside of my own church.

But if girls in other churches don't want to marry outside of their own church...

Then Jon Ma will really have a good laugh when we're 40 and i'm still talking about marriage.

___-_-"___

You can tell if someone studied Literature

2009-05-21T20:48:00.004+08:00

Breakfast in Portsmouth, England.

Dad was talking to my 3 year old nephew.

Why don't you go upstairs with uncle Justin and ask him to read you a story?

So we went up and i read him a story.

15 minutes later, my nephew came back down.

Where's uncle Justin? Dad asked.

He's still upstairs, reading my book.

I Secretly Watch Red Thread

2009-05-18T22:13:00.005+08:00

If you watched Red Thread, you'd know that Adrian Pang plays Alex Sung. Blind lawyer working at Kong holdings.

What we are shown soon enough though, is that he secretly set up the entire assasination of the boss Kong Hwa so he would save him and land a job under him.

Then he was given an assistant that he publicly showed a disliking to, but secretly he had planted him there to assist him.

Kong Hwa's daughter was always asking a friend online for advice, but it was actually Alex, secretly.

I guessed at this rate he was secretly not blind. And i was right.

Kong Hwa's son met the beautiful MP Eunice Olsen who became his close friend.

And guess what? Yup, she was planted secretly by Alex.

So...

Pretending to be blind and a faithful follower of his boss but secretly seeing and controlling everything and everyone.

So the big question is, who is this Alex Sung supposed to represent?

Mom looks at what i've just typed here, then looks at me and says, "huh?"

Somewhere I Belong

2009-05-17T01:29:00.003+08:00

Why did i spend all that money and travel 11 hours by coach to sit for a test that i knew i would not clear?

I was asking myself that question as i arrived in Penang.

Yet i still believed that God works, and everything happens for a reason.

And i was rewarded.

Only 6 people had travelled from all over Singapore and Malaysia to attend this test. Only 6 people so sure this was what they wanted. Only 6 people so crazy.

And to meet for the first time in my life, people who believed in the same thing as me, felt the same calling as i did, and had testimonies of how they got to this stage as colourful as (if not more than) mine, was just such an awesome relief!

I'm weird, but i'm not alone!

And that... really was worth the trip. And the money. And the time.

Amazing (G)Race

2009-05-08T23:45:00.006+08:00

Well i was right. This morning the doorbell rang. Delivery for Mr Justin Hui.

But i was only half right.

This was a sealed envelope from India!!! Not exactly what i was expecting, but it will do. So i wondered what my next clue in this long race around the world was as i tore open the envelope and slid out the content.

Teams must now race to The Adventist Hospital in Penang, Malaysia, where they will find their next clue.

Time to start packing my bags unpacking my ten-year series concepts!

The Sound of Silence

2009-05-08T02:13:00.003+08:00

Sorry my blog hasn't moved for a while, but that's how things are in my life. Waiting... waiting, waiting.

It's a tough time. I've done all i've needed to do, and now i just await the results. But i can't be free to run around and enjoy myself like i did after every exam.

Because this test has the biggest impact on my life. Since JC i knew this was my final test, that the A levels was not what i was working so hard for. And it's over. And i'm anxious.

I wait restlessly. I want to know which direction my life is going to take. And quickly i say. Either way, it means a very different life.

If NUS medicine says no then i need to rush my preparation for the Indian college and contact the university immediately.

If NUS medicine says yes i need to apply for driving and begin my study preparation.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I can't function now. I'm debilitated by the gnawing anxiety of waiting. Argh. I can't commit to anything at all, in church or outside and that just sucks. I'm living for the most trivial things at this point in time because i don't have a major goal at, probably because my goal for the past 5 years of getting into the interview was realised. And so...

I live for ninja warrior with my sister on Thursdays and Fighting Spiders with the whole family on Tuesdays.

I live for the group i lead on Sunday and the group i follow on Friday, both in church.

I live for the little conversations i have with my closer friends on MSN.

I live for the chance to log on to Yinhong's blog once a day.

I don't live.

Well... The wait will soon come to an end. Then maybe i'll be able to blog again. Once i know my direction, whichever one it is, i'll function.

So... now's the time of silence. Once again i'm on the road between the cross and the resurrection. All i can do is wait, and see if a miracle happens.

By the way... I just have a feeling... the letter is going to come in... today.

In the Army

2009-04-29T23:51:00.003+08:00

After flying the greatest mileage,

After bearing the heaviest load,

After walking the longest distance,

After climbing the highest hill,

After surviving the coldest weather,

After braving the darkest night,

I came face to face with the enemy.

They were attacking my men.

They had their backs to me.

They were more heavily armed.

They were mounted on vehicles.

My team was frozen in shock.

It was all up to me now.

This was my day of reckoning.

This was my finest hour.

I mustered my courage.

I had to save my men.

I picked up my rifle,

Pointed it at the enemy,

And pulled the trigger.

Click.

Argh.

My gun jammed.

Stronger

2009-04-26T23:57:00.002+08:00

I'm reading the blog of one girl who, under some extraordinary circumstances, managed to come to church for a period of time. I've not heard a more tragic and painful story than her's before. Just look at how many of us broke down reading her blog. Yet her sufferings before she came to church are the same as the sufferings she's facing now that she can no longer come.

And i ask God,
if he brought her to church so we could help her,
why is she she still suffering on her own now?

Then i realised.
God didn't bring her to church to meet us.
He brought her to church to meet him,
so she now has the strength to face her insurmountable struggles.

Because while she may not be with us, she will never be alone again.

Judges 21

2009-04-25T22:50:00.004+08:00

20 So they instructed the Benjamites, saying, "Go and hide in the vineyards 21 and watch. When the girls of Shiloh come out to join in the dancing, then rush from the vineyards and each of you seize a wife from the girls of Shiloh and go to the land of Benjamin.

23 So that is what the Benjamites did. While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife. Then they returned to their inheritance and rebuilt the towns and settled in them.

25 In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.

The beauty of the Bible's honesty.
The tragedy of our humanity.

Solitude

2009-04-24T00:02:00.003+08:00

It's getting harder to stay single.

I've come to the age where it's culturally acceptable to date. It's almost okay to get married even. So now i can't joke about it any more.

Girls my age have shed the teenager attitudes and behaviours and blossomed into young ladies, becoming so much more mature and attractive than ever before.

The thing is that both of those factors are in play. I now have the option (and approval you could say) to choose one of these beautiful girls to begin a relationship with... that may well end in marriage.

It's getting harder to stay single.

So... why am i choosing to?

Glorfindel

2009-04-21T23:12:00.002+08:00

1 month and a day since I first saw my fighting fish, he breathed his last.

Glorfindel

19th March 2009 - 20th April 2009

My fighting fish was named after the high elf firstborn son of Elrond in Lord of the Rings, who's name simply means "his hair was gold". My fish's fins were off yellow, and the edge of it's unfurled fins were luminous, brilliant gold. He learned to size up his alter ego in the mirror, jump for food suspended over the surface and attack the straw i stuck into the tank.

In the short span of his 32 day life, Glorfindel lived up to his warrior name and defeated over 34 foes placed into his tank, from the ants that plagued our food cupboard to the formidable red shrimps. His final opponent was defeated at the cost of his life, much like the Balrog in LOTR taking Glorfindel's life, though losing its own as well. The lady bug placed in his tank fought for days and when it realised it could not win, released a large amount of murky liquid into the water from it's abdomen. After that, Glorfindel slowly faded away. Even a complete change of water could not save him, and in a couple of days he lifted his head to the sky, and passed on.

As a fervent conservationist, Glorfindel would not attack any of the water snails placed in his tank to aid in clean up work.

Glorfindel danced to music. I kid you not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TJlyorxhMc

Who knew when i got back in touch with my old friend after a year of silence?

Who watched the Missions Festival video with me the very first time it was shown (before the 3000 at good friday saw it), on my home tv?

Who stayed up to help me finish preparing my application to NUS Medicine?

Who listened as i composed my first song?

Who was the first to celebrate with me when i found out i was down for the interview for NUS Medicine?

Who was the first to see me in my new suit bought just for the occasion?

Who saw me through the essay test and interview?

The answer to all these questions is one and the same person- my mom.
Hehe. But Glorfindel was there too! Quiet and unassuming, in the shadow of my mom, but always there each time.

Have you ever hitch hiked before? Have you ever tried? Can you believe someone would actually stop for you in Singapore when you put up your thumb? For the sake of Glorfindel, i did. Because of him, i tried something so new to me. And i actually got a lift to the fish farm.

My prayer from the start was that he live long and loved, being an encouragement to all who see him. Glorfindel may not have lived long, but he was loved, and he lived a full life. He saw me through the whole NUS Medical entrance process before finally giving in.

Thanks Glorfindel.

I can't imagine the spirit of a fish ascending from the water into the sky... i mean... is there water in heaven? Either way, thanks for everything Glorfindel, i'll remember you fondly, and hope you become an angelfish.

Do I really look like a guy with a plan?

2009-04-20T23:47:00.003+08:00

You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just… do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon’s got plans. You know, they’re schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds.

Let's say everything went according to plan.

Justin applied for Vellore on time, and flew to India in time for the preparation course.
Then a letter would arrive back at home saying his essay test is the day after in NUS.

No contact
No flight
No new clothes
No consultation with Dr S

No chance.

Let's turn the clock back and everything had gone according to plan 2 years ago.

Justin applied for medicine in NUS.
Justin got called down for the interview.

Justin has not gone through the hunt for a fugitive- he knows no stress
Justin has not had men under him- he knows no failure
Justin has not punished anybody- he knows no firmness
Justin does not have Dr S' letter.

Justin has nothing to say.

I’m not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are.

I thus conclude with the same verse as the post below. Happy 101st post.

Go figure

2009-04-15T23:16:00.002+08:00

Well we try to study. The harder we work, the better the results.

Right.

If i had not spent my time staring at my fish tank during the O levels, i could have studied so many more hours. But i would not have been able to answer the question about raising fish, and the 7 mark one one requiring us to draw a prawn.

If i had not spent sunday afternoon at the old folks home taking so many pictures, i could have studied so many hours more for my medical interview. In fact if i had not spent the past 4 years at the serene home, and taken that time to study, i could have aced all my A level subjects. But i would not have been able to answer today's essay question in the medical selection process, which i wrote on the issue on aging population.

Psalm 127

A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

¹ Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

² In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Only Hope

2009-04-14T13:57:00.006+08:00

Pastor Joshua said, "We have been placed on a path between the cross and the resurrection."

This was basically the toughest time the disciples had to face. Jesus was dead, and the Holy Spirit had not come upon them yet. Sure they knew his promise to rise from the dead in 3 days, but that was less convincing after they watched him being beaten and hung and bleeding to death. Stabbed too. Jesus was so dead. Now what?

There was this little hope of him rising on the third day. He said it. Sure they believed that would be what happens ultimately, but how could it happen? They knew what the finishing point was, but they had absolutely no idea how it could be done.

Good Friday.

I knelt before the cross in my room that was revealed to me when i asked God if medicine was my direction and cried out to him, "How?" I was sure of his final direction in my life, but i was on the path between the cross and the resurrection. I knew what he wanted to do with me, i took up the sword and the path, but door after door was closed. Time after time i failed. I had no idea how i could possibly reach that end point. I wrote this a while ago:

Even the best fall down sometimes

So Aragorn took up the sword Anduril,
Left Theoden's camp,
And headed down the path of the dead.

He took up his destiny
Committed himself to the path
And gave it everything he had

He faced the army of the dead,
Fought their king,
and overcame.

Yet he failed to summon their army to fight
He failed to halt the enemy's reinforcements

And as he looked upon the black ships
Soon to enter battle against Theoden's already doomed army
He fell on his knees
And wept.

But what i didn't write was that out of nowhere (through a wall actually), came the King of the Dead saying, "We fight."

Out of nowhere, Jesus appeared to his disciples (who locked themselves in a room) saying, "Peace be with you."

Out of nowhere, an email appeared in my mailbox (just 2 days before the selection tests) saying, "We are pleased to inform you that you have been shortlisted for an interview by the Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine."

I found myself on the floor again, kneeling before that cross that i had only seen for the third time in my life. It had been 3 days since i cried out to God on Good Friday in this same position. This time i just cried.

Aragorn had not won the war or claimed the throne yet. The disciples had not received the Holy Spirit or started the church yet. I have not gone for the interview or gotten into Medicine yet.

But we are happy, because now at least there's some hope of that happening.

2009-04-13T12:22:00.003+08:00

This is my psychedelic studio table. From here i use many varying colours of post its, Staedtler pens and paper to bring writings to life.

But i realise today that you don't always have to use so much colour to bring a message across. In fact sometimes, you don't even need words.

Love is Tough

2009-04-11T15:54:00.002+08:00

I think i finally understand what love is.

It's so easy to say you like someone and mean it. But what makes love special then? I could always hold on to one memory of a moment when you were so awesome and remind myself why i like you, but what makes that different from love?

Here's a famous verse in my own words.

The phrase "I love you" is not what i want to hear.
Not that i don't want you to say it, but you need to understand.
It is so easy to say that phrase.
Love is more than just words.

What does it mean to say i love you? Not much then. But what should it mean? Why would it make such a big difference to someone to know he or she is loved?

Because Love is tough.
I can't say i love you before abusing you.
The words i love you require a certain kind of action to back it up, if not they are empty words.

Basically saying i love you means more than just liking you for that one great thing you did. I'm saying i'll love you even when i don't like you. That's what sets love apart. Love is tough, love involves sacrifice. Love is so tough i need your help to love you. So please choose the right person, someone you can at least love when you don't necessarily feel like liking the person.

So now that we got that part clear we face the next question- why say it, why not just show it?

Here's an analogy- i could read the Bible, pray, go to church, help the poor, follow the 10 commandments and walk close to Jesus. All these are actions that show that i'm a Christian, all well and good. Do i need to get baptized to prove i'm a Christian? No. So why do i want to?

In the same way i could be showering someone with lots of love. Do i have to say aloud that i love the person to prove that i love her? No. So why should i bother?

Because i love her.

You see, actions do speak louder than words, but words backed up by actions are remembered. They are an outward expression of the heart, and such words hold so much more weight.

It's like the title of an essay. You may have written a great essay, but if you leave it untitled, it's somewhat incomplete. It's possible, but it's not complete (Opposite is true too for a great title but no essay). So seal the deal and stamp on the title and we know the work is complete. Because until it's titled and submitted, your writing is merely a draft.

So if you have been loving someone, saying I love you is more than just words to that person. It's confirmation and affirmation that the love they are feeling from you is not just for a moment. Saying i love you in this instance means i do love you, and i will love you.

And everyone loves to hear something like that.

Heart of Worship

2009-04-08T23:54:00.006+08:00

Went to the service building up to Good Friday tonight. It was not something i planned to go for. But when i arrived, the band played, and i was reminded of a time and place i almost forgot.

A time when i didn't get so stressed about what to say at worship.
A time that i didn't worry if the music got too good.
A time i didn't lose sleep over whether a song would speak to non-christians as much as christians.
A time i didn't debate over whether every word in every song was theologically correct.

Because back then,
we pressured ourselves in writing the best script to say at worship
we wanted to make sure the music was at its best
we lost sleep over choice of songs having an impact on christians and non-christians
we all agreed on the same songs.

Things haven't really changed much. But in trying to keep everything we could the same, we seem to have forgotten the heart of things haven't we?

But you know what's another biggest difference?
Last time, we loved the Lord.
Now... We seem to be losing the we.

Argh

2009-04-06T21:27:00.003+08:00

Today i tried to call India again.

Last month, i wrote to the Indian university i wanted to enter.

My mail bounced for a week.

Then they replied telling me to ask another university.

Online there were several sites all claiming to be the official site for that other university, each with different contact numbers.

I have been trying to call them since last week.

Today i prayed with my parents before i tried to again.

I called, they answered. I spoke, they did not understand. They hung up.

The application window closes in 2 days.

According to 2 sites online, i am not eligible.

If i go for the entrance exam, i'm fighting tens of thousands for 7 seats.

If i go for the test, i need to study Physics from scratch in a month to compete.

Honestly... I've more or less given up.

But mom and dad haven't. Keep knocking till the door's closed.

I'm not eligible.

It's not possible to study triple science in a month for the A level standard exam.

I can't fight tens of thousands of people and come out top 7.

I'm going to have to pay $125 USD to try applying.

My application needs to travel from Singapore to a small town in India in a day.

After reading Sophia's blog, i feel like swearing on my blog too. Seems applicable.

Argh.

Fading

2009-04-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

It's been a month since i returned from my holiday.

I stopped eating lunch because i wake up so late my cereal breakfast lasts me till dinner.

I reduced fast food intake from once every 3 days to 3 days a month.

I eat less chocolate and sweets coz i felt guilty.

I started running with my dad twice a week.

I stopped drinking milk and soya bean. Used to drink 3 glasses a day.

Now i just eat rice and drink water. Alot of water.

It's been a month and i've lost 4 kg.

But i still haven't found what i'm looking for.

Titles

2009-04-04T21:14:00.003+08:00

Walking through Popular i bought a super expensive pencil that spins the lead automatically to sharpen it as you write. Just thought i should justify myself here.

I opened a brand new tin of Poppycock caramelised popcorn with nuts, ate a few, and threw the rest away.

Back in Popular i passed by a book titled Love in a time of Cholera. I started to laugh. I began to think of other possible titles like... Romance in a time of Syphillis.

Lifehouse once said, "You tell me how could it be any better than this."
Carlsberg says, "It doesn't get any better than this."

Run

2009-04-04T02:01:00.003+08:00

Dad and i went for a 9km run. Still can't catch up with him.

Walking back to the void deck, there was a little girl with her mom walking past.

"It you don't behave, the police will come and catch you."
Said the mother.

What did the police ever do to deserve such a position of fear in a child's eyes?
Then we came into view.

"Ah you see the uncle is going to catch you and take you away!"
She continued.

Okay now what did we do wrong that parents teach their children to run away from us.

"That's not true! Uncle is very nice, he's not going to catch you."
Dad replied.

The mother smiled.

"No, he IS going to catch you..."

Debt

2009-04-03T01:59:00.002+08:00

Dad has chalked up a staggering $69,000 in losses from his gambling.

And that was just from playing solitare.

Thank God he only plays it on his laptop and not in real life.

Here's a quote from dad as i washed the spoon i had eaten with. I don't normally wash stuff so it's very facinating for me to see the water from the tap hit the spoon and splash out like a fountain.

"Wah son you wash the spoon into an art form."

I haven't slept on my bed for 4 days already.

Actually it's been 4 days since i slept on any bed for that matter.

If I didn't have

2009-04-02T02:28:00.005+08:00

If i didn't have Zhi Han, i still have Jon Ma to confide in.

If i didn't have Jon Ma, i still have Bernice to talk to.

If i didn't have Bernice, i still have Yinhong to laugh with.

If i didn't have Yinhong, i still have Kimberly to share stories.

If i didn't have Kimberly, i still have Desiree to complain to.

If i didn't have Desiree, i still have Marianne to hug.

If i didn't have Marianne, i still have Glorfindel.

My 7 blessings for today.

But if i didn't have Glorfindel, i'd have no friends.

Battle Stations!

2009-03-30T23:15:00.003+08:00

I really like Battle Stations on Facebook. Here's a screen shot of me in combat with one of the clan leaders. I'm the one coming on the left with my decked out silver and gold flying ship The Vigilant attempting to destroy the big boss.

http://apps.facebook.com/battlestations/history_view.php?hid=306424

I know i lost, but it's still somewhat cool to be annihilated in such awesome fashion.

Gideon

2009-03-29T00:10:00.003+08:00

Loosely taken here and there from Judges 6

Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD, and for seven years he gave them into the hands of their enemies.

The angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon.

Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us?"

Thought: This somewhat addresses the question of Why would God allow suffering?

-

Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us?"

The angel of the LORD said, "The LORD is with you, go in the strength you have and save Israel."

Thought: This is sometimes God's answer to people asking for help.

Distraction

2009-03-28T23:25:00.003+08:00

Getting a haircut for me is a spiritual event. It's a time of renewal and is quite a ritual for me. I'd sit down, close my eyes, and pray for all the people i don't normally pray for till the cutting is done and i arise anew.

I began praying for people i've been out of contact with.
I started with Ming Choi, then Adora, then...

The door to the hair dresser's opened and in came a man with his little probably primary school girl. I kept my eyes closed and my head still but couldn't help listening to them.

Hair Dresser: Who is getting the haircut?
Man: Just my daughter. (to Daughter) Come tell auntie how you want your hair cut.
Daughter: Like Dora the Explorer!

I stopped praying at Adora.
Somehow I just could not take my mind off Dora.

Incomplete

2009-03-26T00:11:00.005+08:00

Yesterday I went out with an old friend of mine. It had been over a year since I last saw her and it was quite a story regarding how we got back in contact. But that's not interesting to blog about.

I arrived at a crowded packed city hall station at peak hour and found her there in a black top that was somewhat like a dress which covered her pants. And of course, she wore black and white sneakers. For as long as I have known this girl, she has been crazy over sneakers. She probably has a pair for every colour top she has. So I should not have been surprised seeing her, even one year on, in a pair that matched her outfit.

But at least some things change- Her hair was no longer short and tied back in a ponytail but long and black and let down in a most elven manner. My hair was much longer this time too. Raffles City was jam packed, so we headed through City Link Mall all the way to Marina Square.

Now here it gets interesting. You know how narrow and slow the escalator going up to Marina Square is if you don't go via the bridge? Anyway it IS very narrow and slow so much so that we could not stand side by side. Being gentlemanly I let her go first and followed behind. As we were approaching the top of the escalator though, I realised that her right shoelace had become undone after the long walk and quickly pointed it out to her. She hesitated for a moment and then it was too late. We hit the top of the escalator and the undone shoelace went into the escalator grove.

Instincts took over and she quickly reached down and yanked at the remainder of the lace that hadn't been gobbled up yet, but it continued to get pulled in. She twirled the lace round her finger to get a good grip and pulled back hard, but it didn't help. She then stumbled forward as the escalator pulled back and we realised her finger was stuck in the tightening loop of shoelace.

I quickly reached over(it was narrow!) to help her pull and she leaned forward to give the hardest jerk she could give to free her hand and shoe from the jaws of death with my help. But it was at that very moment that she realised she should have left her hair in that ponytail. In leaning forward, her hair started to slide into the escalator groove too. She let out a horrifying scream as

Movies

2009-03-24T00:23:00.006+08:00

I just watched Watchmen with my dad. I won't recommend it, but i enjoyed it.

Rorschach: I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says Life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The Great Clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliaci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll On snare drum. Curtains.

Then i watched The Dark Knight.

Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

I watched the first episode of Hannah Montana and yes... i have to confess, really enjoyed it. There was something about the hidden identity of a teen idol trying to be a normal girl that was so interesting and appealing to watch. But as creative as the Americans may be, how can Hannah Montana ever compare to the upcoming Korean movie Detroit Metal City. I didn't realise what it was from the poster initially.

Now i get it- it's also dealing with the superstar secret identity theme. But this one's more super death metal rocker vs super geek theme. (If you really can't see it, the 2 guys in the picture are the same guy. You can tell by his dental arrangement.)

At least this movie doesn't make everyone ask the question they ask about Hannah Montana- how is it no one recognises her? Look out for it!

Ok finally i watched A Walk To Remember. Now that... Was emotional.

Just the idea of someone coming into your life, changing you so completely for the better, and then leaving... Leaving you wondering what just happened, and why you were so lucky to have been chosen to be so blessed. This person sees the world in a different way, and allows you to begin to see the world in ways you never thought possible. This person teaches you the important things in life, and makes you hold on to the things she believes in so long after she has left, the mere memory of her being a strength to you to carry on. It's not something normal. In fact it seems so impossible to happen outside of a book of a movie.

But it happened to me.

And i am still in awe.

Samaritans of Singapore

2009-03-08T20:58:00.003+08:00

"In Singapore, one person dies from suicide every day," says the SOS executive director.

So I finally found the illusive statistics I've been looking for.
Didn't think it was so high though.

Ah Choo

2009-03-07T00:11:00.003+08:00

I sneezed yesterday morning.

I was facing my bed when it happened, so i jerked my head to the left so as to not sneeze on it.

When that happened, the muscles from the top of my head right down to the bottom right side of my neck got pulled.

I was in intense pain and fell on my bed groaning.

A month ago a regular soldier in my camp who bunks in next to me pulled a few muscles when he sneezed too.

He could not move his entire right arm for the rest of the day.

Today i got news of a guy in Hong Kong who sneezed himself into a coma and is now in a vegetative state.

Just thought you might want to know.

If you were to die...

2009-02-19T19:05:00.002+08:00

Mum said to me. She meant to say "if you were to buy... (chocholate)" but didn't manage to complete the sentence amid the laughter.

Which had me thinking.

When your life finally flashes before your eyes, will watching it put you to sleep,
or make you sit at the edge of your seat?

CCC

2009-02-17T04:17:00.002+08:00

I've been running for a while.
Running very fast, running very far.
One thing after the next has had me running in races back to back.
I hit the road running in the beginning, and i ended the race running too.
Now that i've crossed the finish line, i take a look around,
And i have absolutely no idea where i am, or how i got here.

Ting Ting

2009-02-12T00:11:00.004+08:00

My dear clerk asked me to shout ORD loh.

No, i said.

Am i happy now?

I looked happier on my IC than i did on my 11B.

I got into the lift alone and waited for the doors to close.

I knelt on the floor and faught back the tears.

It took me 40 days to recover from my 40 days in India.

I've just spent exactly 444 days in army.

Please please, don't come and congratulate me and say oh how great i must be feeling now.

Just shut up and let me go.